I am exhausted.
Tomorrow is Friday, which means I follow my usual end-of-the-work-week regimen staying in my office until around 7, when I start heading over to Myerson Hall. That’s where my church’s weekly large groups happen, and I always forward to them because they are life-giving; it’s a way to wrap up my ugly and exhaustive week of a workload on somewhat of a positive note. But right now it is Thursday at 10:38pm, and I am in bed drafting this blog post oht of anger and frustration.
Every week at my workplace has its own unique set of issues and irritation, and they never fail to strain and drain me. There is so much emotion wrapped around the words I associate with my workplace, I don’t think they could ever be redeemed even after my departure, which won’t be for another year and a half. At the extremest of my difficulties and stress, I ask myself, “What have I done? What have I done moving here, leaving the comfort of my home? What’s it worth? Why do I try so hard? Why do I keep trying? Why is my effort not being recognized the way I need and want them to be?”
On top of these difficulties I face at work, yes, there are blessings I found here. I believe there are people I’ve met and with whom I’ve developed such deep relationships that make me believe in some sort of meaning... in my purpose... of being here in Philly.
But WHY? Why is life so hard right now, and how can I remedy it? Anything, God - Give me anything to deal w my pain, discomfort, and annoyance. I want solution to my difficulties at work NOW. I want answers my uncertainties NOW.
Anyway,
I am exhausted. I’m going to bed.
Good night,
Pia
